The Holy Man's Trials 10

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10. An annoyance and despair at the perpetuation of shortcomings as are apparent in fellow individuals which afflict the personal wellbeing of oneself.

Often we are well qualified in discerning when another has interrupted our own sense of wellbeing and should not have done so; and in consequence to this complaint we suppress ourselves further in order to reconcile their actions as they affect us. So there is a dual-edged insult from the difficulties which sometimes afflict us from others. That firstly they have caused a grievance and then secondly they require that he (in the spiritual fellow) suppresses himself in order for him to let it pass or repeatedly happen. 

Overall however, we do react at least inwardly to afflictions most naturally and know exactly what effect others bear upon us, either consciously or unconsciously. It is advisable to excuse yourself from their company or their life if the problem becomes as death to yourself. How often a sensitive individual will, for example, scar himself at the suggestion of the offending 'martyr'. 

It is best to avoid unruly people - those who display crude or lesser natures or willful angry outbursts. Whilst we may pray for their lives to find some equilibrium we do not need to incur the cost upon our own selves in the disruption it causes. This passage best serves to alleviate the guilt which protests our right to experience disquiet when we are affected sorely. Isn't it a conundrum that this is so difficult to the developing man?

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The Holy Man's Trials 9

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9. An annoyance and despair at supreme shortcomings (physicality for example, as opposed to immortality) consciously or unconsciously experienced by the individual. 

Supreme shortcomings are those things which are much larger than one's own immediate effectings…They engage debates about fundamental good and evil. They realize imperfection in the greater arena and are perplexed because of it.

This is a sadness known to all beings as well; although some happenings may be explained to be as 'mysteries' beyond our comprehension - but such explanations do not relieve the pain caused by the misunderstanding. The fact that there is a small proportion of infants born with disfigurement, that Nature herself cannot guarantee or safeguard against untoward outcome for lesser creatures at times; the reality that truth itself can be distorted so very easily and or mistaken; that we should ever contemplate our Christ crucified and it having happened! - These supreme shortcomings we cannot ever be content in or would want to be. 

The fact that we live and survive however, with the innate knowledge of these matters and more, tells us of a greater and corresponding strength we have been given to counter the confusion presented to our soul.

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The Holy Man's Trials 8

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8. An annoyance and despair at personal shortcomings consciously recognized.

No individual is comfortable at being less than what he aspires to or begins to think he should be. The ego which is striving consciously to become improved, senses deeply, not only the obvious faults and flaws but also the ones for which there is little or no control over. Even the implications of aging (as the world would have it nowadays - yes, even for us) are a grievance taken personally, when there is no conceivable way of abating it indefinitely. 

Added to this we find frustrations with minor shortcomings as they manifest during the contest of our consciousness. There is a process of thinking which implies that we are never quick enough, precise enough and so forth (which of course is true enough). 

However, the merit lies in the actuality as is, rather than in some relatively unreachable or obscure perfection. The truth we come to experience here is that we are suffering from our shortcomings (as others might also) and we begin to wish it were otherwise. The objective is to be content regardless, yet not smug in our failings.

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The Holy Man's Trials 7

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7. An exaggerated projection as to the possibility of further evil becoming in existence, which is larger than what is already perceived. 

This paranoia is of course deleterious to the deciding individual, but once again is very much of consequence to the condition as described above. The way in which one can tell number six from number seven is by measure of our idealism. 

The devilish forces would have one believe that failure will predominate outcome, whilst the heavenly forces only ever encourage and envisage the best of all possible outcomes; and even though they may well comprehend the threatening fearfulness of evility along the way, are not given in to conceding to that evility winning at the end of it all.

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The Holy Man's Trials 6

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6. An increased fearfulness in proportion and reaction to this bulk of evil that is now becoming more and more apparent to the developing soul.

This fearfulness is secondary (just as with the example of the inherent guilt which is faceless and less exact than any particular reality)… it is most definitely founded, and perhaps this is why it is so very hard upon the individual to carry.
The reality of evil is nothing short of dread-full - and dread being dread, we are naturally abhorred and affrighted by even its mention. This too is of consequence to the soul who awakes into the developing awareness of the importance of our Christ in the World and in our beings. It is suffered by every goodly creature, and there is no need to feel a compounded guilt at the fact that we do know this condition also.

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The Holy Man's Trials 5

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5. An increased perception of evil as it exists invisibly within the local world.

Sadly for the man who begins by reaching out for a beatified state of soul, he is more than likely to meet with the contrasting knowledge (even if it is subliminal to him) of the slovenly forces about within his very locality. This is a natural depression, which is not all-consuming but is known to be something which again he can mistake to be himself when it is not.

Part of our developing sensitivity requires times of abstraction out from the very experience we seek to attune ourselves with. It is not only an important exercise of ego that we should be able to withdraw back into our arterial sense of our own triune nature, but also that we may have a larger rather than partial perception of that we are experiencing.

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The Holy Man's Trials 4

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4. An irreconcilable upset with the awareness of these Doubles as they present in others.

This occurs when the Doubles actually contest ourselves or our own good credibility and we do know it. 

Often the awareness of a Double excites it into action. There is an astral transaction between the two and the individual feels pressured into reacting defensively; or guardedly at the very least.

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