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  34. The conflict of one's knowing - soul versus egoic wisdom. 

We often work knowledge over in a variety of ways and each time we do this a little of the former wisdom is spent because of the new adoption. This is not something one eases into. 

We sometimes leap into the new knowing and forgo or suspend the old, but the being who has invested themselves in that former knowledge and thus identified with it as well, feels (at the soul level) a difficulty in the transaction.

Added to this the ego itself can find it awkward to make change. Even though this is part and parcel of its application, it is nonetheless a stressful maneuver to accomplish. This is exampled best by all of the dear folk we observe who do not attempt to learn anything new - particularly in the last half of their lives. 

Fortunately, although interpreted and sensed, this is one area which becomes much more with ease through the Living Christ. The spiritual man more readily makes the leaps, regardless of this founded hesitation.

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33. The sadness of fallen souls is deeply felt by all men who strive toward betterment.

Our brothers who have slipped beyond the care and concern of this World, who have forsaken Humanity and therefore their own humanity, these lost souls who have left the mainstream are still in part, a sore presence by their absence.

As one can begin to envisage, there are many, many varieties of knowing within us. These knowings do not by any means consume us (praise be to Father God); they are the shadow aspect of much happier truths to follow. Yet surrounding the stump of a tree which has been felled; in the ongoing atmosphere of where a murder has taken place and instantly dismissed what was to be, or in the grave instance of a soul becoming deceased from further incarnating in this world, this too is a trial we relate to - in possibility of it occurring with ourselves, and for the pain of the other who has endured this end.

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32. The state of dis-grace.

Paradoxically there is a condition which befalls a man prior to him receiving Grace - and that comes with a pitiable form of 'emptying out', being so forlorn that Grace does come to supplicate him.

The Grace infills the dis-graced - the true nature of Divine Love is to go where needed and where received. We know this pre-grace condition, and are thusly so moved to greater piety and sympathy because of it.
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The Holy Man's Trials 31

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31. The sadness of great beauty.

There was a deflation mentioned above in regards to our perceiving things which are 'not right' or unbeautiful, and yet there is also a certain sadness experienced by the sensitive individual when beauty is struck within them and then goes. 

When on special occasion, a most wonderful perfection does reign, when everything else dies back in comparison, when we see through privileged eyes and begin to sense our own smallness (yet splendor), there is an emptiness which does follow, that that very knowing and experience will somehow be gone and we will be without it. 

Poets understand this melancholy, and the spiritual man who continually defers to Father God knows it well, because much of his prayer life slips quickly in and out and away from the paradise he longs for. As many heartbeats as there are in a day we can experience this loss of beauty we just came to.

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