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 35. Being apologetic. 

It is not unusual for the conscientious individual to debate with themselves continuously. This does not come from a weakness of character, but rather from the ability to exercise the philosophical and moral mind, the empathies and also realize many possibilities at the one time. There is never one view to anything, nor any one just single truth which is not complemented by another. So this debate, often moving backwards and forwards in the consciousness, brings about an effort, and secondarily a condition when finally the individual must rest upon that which he is content to choose. 

This we name the 'apology', for there is always a sadness known for the candidates who are deliberated but left unchosen. From this we fall back into apology for ourselves, which may not be rational, but is actual. This of itself is yet another tension experienced in the ego.

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  34. The conflict of one's knowing - soul versus egoic wisdom. 

We often work knowledge over in a variety of ways and each time we do this a little of the former wisdom is spent because of the new adoption. This is not something one eases into. 

We sometimes leap into the new knowing and forgo or suspend the old, but the being who has invested themselves in that former knowledge and thus identified with it as well, feels (at the soul level) a difficulty in the transaction.

Added to this the ego itself can find it awkward to make change. Even though this is part and parcel of its application, it is nonetheless a stressful maneuver to accomplish. This is exampled best by all of the dear folk we observe who do not attempt to learn anything new - particularly in the last half of their lives. 

Fortunately, although interpreted and sensed, this is one area which becomes much more with ease through the Living Christ. The spiritual man more readily makes the leaps, regardless of this founded hesitation.

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33. The sadness of fallen souls is deeply felt by all men who strive toward betterment.

Our brothers who have slipped beyond the care and concern of this World, who have forsaken Humanity and therefore their own humanity, these lost souls who have left the mainstream are still in part, a sore presence by their absence.

As one can begin to envisage, there are many, many varieties of knowing within us. These knowings do not by any means consume us (praise be to Father God); they are the shadow aspect of much happier truths to follow. Yet surrounding the stump of a tree which has been felled; in the ongoing atmosphere of where a murder has taken place and instantly dismissed what was to be, or in the grave instance of a soul becoming deceased from further incarnating in this world, this too is a trial we relate to - in possibility of it occurring with ourselves, and for the pain of the other who has endured this end.

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32. The state of dis-grace.

Paradoxically there is a condition which befalls a man prior to him receiving Grace - and that comes with a pitiable form of 'emptying out', being so forlorn that Grace does come to supplicate him.

The Grace infills the dis-graced - the true nature of Divine Love is to go where needed and where received. We know this pre-grace condition, and are thusly so moved to greater piety and sympathy because of it.
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