The Holy Man's Trials 34

33

  34. The conflict of one's knowing - soul versus egoic wisdom. 

We often work knowledge over in a variety of ways and each time we do this a little of the former wisdom is spent because of the new adoption. This is not something one eases into. 

We sometimes leap into the new knowing and forgo or suspend the old, but the being who has invested themselves in that former knowledge and thus identified with it as well, feels (at the soul level) a difficulty in the transaction.

Added to this the ego itself can find it awkward to make change. Even though this is part and parcel of its application, it is nonetheless a stressful maneuver to accomplish. This is exampled best by all of the dear folk we observe who do not attempt to learn anything new - particularly in the last half of their lives. 

Fortunately, although interpreted and sensed, this is one area which becomes much more with ease through the Living Christ. The spiritual man more readily makes the leaps, regardless of this founded hesitation.

35

The Holy Man's Trials 33

32

33. The sadness of fallen souls is deeply felt by all men who strive toward betterment.

Our brothers who have slipped beyond the care and concern of this World, who have forsaken Humanity and therefore their own humanity, these lost souls who have left the mainstream are still in part, a sore presence by their absence.

As one can begin to envisage, there are many, many varieties of knowing within us. These knowings do not by any means consume us (praise be to Father God); they are the shadow aspect of much happier truths to follow. Yet surrounding the stump of a tree which has been felled; in the ongoing atmosphere of where a murder has taken place and instantly dismissed what was to be, or in the grave instance of a soul becoming deceased from further incarnating in this world, this too is a trial we relate to - in possibility of it occurring with ourselves, and for the pain of the other who has endured this end.

34

The Holy Man's Trials 32

31

32. The state of dis-grace.

Paradoxically there is a condition which befalls a man prior to him receiving Grace - and that comes with a pitiable form of 'emptying out', being so forlorn that Grace does come to supplicate him.

The Grace infills the dis-graced - the true nature of Divine Love is to go where needed and where received. We know this pre-grace condition, and are thusly so moved to greater piety and sympathy because of it.
33

The Holy Man's Trials 31

30

31. The sadness of great beauty.

There was a deflation mentioned above in regards to our perceiving things which are 'not right' or unbeautiful, and yet there is also a certain sadness experienced by the sensitive individual when beauty is struck within them and then goes. 

When on special occasion, a most wonderful perfection does reign, when everything else dies back in comparison, when we see through privileged eyes and begin to sense our own smallness (yet splendor), there is an emptiness which does follow, that that very knowing and experience will somehow be gone and we will be without it. 

Poets understand this melancholy, and the spiritual man who continually defers to Father God knows it well, because much of his prayer life slips quickly in and out and away from the paradise he longs for. As many heartbeats as there are in a day we can experience this loss of beauty we just came to.

32

The Holy Man's Trials 30

29

30. Elemental servitude. 

There is a part of our nature which we rely upon that utilizes an etheric memory for repetition (the constant re-building of our bodies for example, or the referencing of certain instinctual or pneumatic knowledge), and the binding continuity brought about in the local astrality, which is also given to a systemic repetition. Whilst also within our own thoughts, habits and desires, there is an elemental component which assists as a foot servant with the relaying of repetitive endorsement. 

We relate to this obeisance of repeated action, in the larger context of cycles, to the smaller as known by the servitude of the elemental beings. However, for that portion of us which begs to break into new person, new future, new finding, new life, for themselves and for the world, there is a heaviness experienced within this realm of continuum also. Quite easily men can fall into the service of the very elemental thought-forms that first served them - obsessive, addictive behaviors are example to this (e.g. gambling, diet, kleptomania, over-worry etc.).

31

The Holy Man's Trials 29

28

 29. Perceiving the discrepancies between men's willing and that of the Greater Will. 

The forces of floundering or immature egos reflect disquiet within the frame of one's own willing. There is a great gift of power and creativity bestowed upon the soul of Man, however it is yet to be begun at large. The conscientious man continually reflects upon the Higher Will, and subjects himself to all manner of inquiry. During this clarifying time he is sorely aware of those who do not enter into this process of conferring and is likewise troubled.

30

The Holy Man's Trials 28

27
 

 28. The ecology of wills.

There are difficulties encountered (not necessarily spoken or manifest) negotiating the wills of others with that of our own. The Christian soul is driven by good works and to charity and is often blighted by the tensions caused by the differing wills surrounding. 

Deferring to the Greater Will relieves this and then however manifests the tension by … 29

The Holy Man's Trials 27

26

 27. We sense other folk's difficulties compressing memories and reconciling truths and times - those alive and deceased; as the thought-atmosphere is imbued with these struggles also.

And so there exists a dialogue which is constantly reviewing the past with the present and contesting identity. We come to sense this dialogue in a variety of ways. It takes a very strong presence of ego to simply stand still and be silent amongst much of this. Furthermore, there are hopes and projections as well! 

The condition of Alzheimer's is very much given over to the reality of this memory-realm, yet receptive to the confusion of many at the one time, to the point where the self-consciousness is relinquished.

28