The following essay, comments on the experiences and apprehension of some students regarding their spiritual experiences.
EVEN we startle easily!
What you have spoken of is of two differing concerns. Firstly, a mind which is unaware of extraordinariness becomes a dim one indeed. Comparison and contrast! Remember?
That you have difficulty accepting a condition which comes to you when you are unprepared, is only to be expected and of no concern. Surprises are surprising. So you must not expect to be capable of being 'matter of fact' about those things which are not so.
We do have very subtle ways also. Keep a look out over the months to come, stay more awake and you may catch on to what we do for you. This shall encourage alertness in this world, for this is what we would have, not mindlessness or camouflage.
As for the second part to this: the overall issue of such total experience, from which afterwards a man is never the same again. We would suggest that the 'peace' will come moreover, and not so the frantic overhaul as imagined and even feared. The unsettledness comes from living those aspects which compromise the noble being within. We (as in you) can rework the life or adjust one's tolerance accordingly. The choices will always be there before you.
Experiences will come, should you desire, and they may be unlike any before and shall be as worthy of you as you are of them. Not all experience, particularly in this realm, is to be held to suspicion or regarded as injurious, providing it is understood also that the most exquisite of challenges will depart, and come again.
To feel the brush of an angel's wing, their tear or their kiss or that one embrace which does embrace all of humanity with a boldness and a braveness that truly believes Man to be lovable; or to find in Nature amongst its rapid outbursts of impetuous expression, the whisperings which issue from the aliveness that has endured ever triumphant, the assault of those astral groans which the slag of an intemperate Man has expelled all the vileness into, and the passion of anger, of corruption, and worst of all, of revenge, which does perpetuate the grief.
Yes, one can feel the optimism of the etheric world in its crystalline laughter which echoes the fall of water, out and into the cavities waiting, defying the dross and the ill-tempered demons who contest beauty because they have none, and so despise the natural world in its lavish dedication to this happiness.
Yes, you might even find Christ amongst the haphazardness, and in the quiet and in the challenge of knowing serenity once and for all; and in the certainty which you shall never change around again, but defend because He is your life.
Perhaps the greater question must lie in what that implies, when the minutes and the days take on new importance and one now comes to review that which may be done with them. New consciousness is awkward whilst the old, distracting. The adjustments in themselves, may be taxing because of their necessity to succeed.
Christ does not underestimate your love. As a man you may do this about yourself and feel keenly inconsequential and also may need to outwardly remonstrate and signify this deepest feeling within. All of this is wholesome and good, and from it there shall be that seriousness of importance; but all the while this is not what Christ needs, for He knows your heart and mind as you are, and knows the girth and gravity of your deepest love. Therefore no man is required to put himself to the test artificially- karma takes care of that in between the maneuvers of options placed within its score. So we are not forcibly (against the grain) determined to become or display such attributes of being which we are uncomfortable with or unsuited to.
The great Masters each developed such talents as they are now known for individually. The 'all-rounder' as you say, is a little disqualified from mastery - oddly enough, because one such acquisition of talent tends to conform to another, in which none are then especial.
It is a privilege to become tempered by our weaknesses and intent to assume our place above them when at the Will and Willing of God we are afforded. It is a privilege also, to make use of those particular strengths and talents we enjoy indulging in, and spinning them throughout our realm of activity in wise and wit and in becoming.
Therefore we do not grow into anything for which we have no loving in becoming in the first instance. There need not be fear that great change shall occur in consequence to the inner-life flourishing.
Doubt is a demon and a liar also. Don't believe him. One may always tell the difference between doubt and concern, and doubt and proper caution: Doubt pulls faces (with a flair for the dramatic) does a lot of waving arms in the air, justifies itself in defeat, and is contemptuous of loss. Concern, on the other hand, is instructive, informative and impartial to contempt. Caution as brought to us from our inner guidance, knows danger to be presenting and then seeks the source of that alarm. Therefore the actual reasoning is not relied upon, but that the intuitive faculties are awakened and cautioned before proceeding further into that which we are cautioned of. We may still tarry on, but in ever readiness to respond in a way which hitherto might not have occurred to us.
Therefore, Doubt is not accommodating to the current condition. It is a no-way one-way entity, which brings death to those it wins. (Death, as in cessation to ideas, plans, hopes, futures which would have been spawned etc.) Doubt rebukes oncoming success, and when it presents to the man who needs optimism within his spiritual outlook (inlooking), it may dissuade him from Christ, in the suggestion that he is not worthy enough. However, you may well believe that you are loved and that Doubt is no authority on this or any other matter. You are loved by Him and can know that all of the tremblies live on a different plane of interaction, whereas the silent commune you share with God is unfathomed by they who contest your sincerity and promise.
More Radiant than the Sun- by an Eastern Sage - More radiant than the Sun,Purer than the snow,Finer than the etherIs the SelfThe spirit in my heart. This Self am I, I am this Self. - an Eastern Sag...