Many stages to grief-13th August 1991

THERE are many stages to grief - denial being one of them. Shortly upon entering life, we grieve for the heavens, and some subsequently spend an entire life in denial of such loss.

Intimacy- 10th August 1991

Hallelujah and salutations!

Putting on my top fez, top turban, top hat! There should be music symbols on this keyboard. A splendid morning to you all, to you all.

888

THERE can be many ways in which an individual can allow himself or herself to be intimately connected with another. Although one usually infers a very blatant supposition that implies being intimate with bodily connotations - sharing the bed, engaging in private relations as expressions of mutual desires or longings, and so forth. However there is a vast range of intimate relations one may transact in from one to another, whereupon the heart and mind communicate that which was previously unspeakable or unheard. 

As the past beckons us forth into the moment there are times in which the moment may be experienced intensely with two or three; perhaps two or three hundred. There becomes an extreme shift in identity whereupon the individual who is usually self-enclosed and self-absorbed, gives over with such interest to another, that he may separate off from his guard - the personality - and step beyond his established confines, entering into the sphere of another who has invited such presence. This is intimacy.

For some, the closest understanding of such relations is expressed solely through the physical magic; implied or performed. The individual who otherwise suppresses his common urges, does impart clouds of stimulating chaos surrounding the would-be partner of his desire. Whether or not there is a physical response, there is an attempt at a certain private communication. For many, the realm of intimate relations will not extend further than this primal experience.

Also too, there are many forms of physical expression which are essentially dependent on the character, nature, constitution and age of the individual. Some expressions within human relations have little or no bearing on inner communication at all, if there is anger turned upon another. There is no participating intimacy in acts of aggression, only physical acts which mimic such intimacy.

The humble handshake, the touch of a hand, an arm around a shoulder, a twinkling-eye related message, and so forth, need be the act from one to another that intimates the impulsive intensiveness of the moment shared. We do not allude to the mysteries of propagation today, but one does know the differences between the electrifying handshake and the feeble - and the charge, as it were that can be ever so apparent, in a room of enlightened argument or deep conversation.

Some individuals are as a perpetual whirlwind of activity and are lavishly expressive, even in the most minor circumstances. Some are not so easily fired but receive and take in the world into themselves every impression, given and felt. But for the steady and moderate man who is usually self-contained and politely at call, there are episodes which one can gauge, of extraordinary mutual communication.

This communication, intimate communication, may happen upon a man so infrequently, that with tearful gratitude he mistakes explicit conference for that of the sole-love betwixt a couple. Our love may of course be shared with many, many folk, when one comes to know and appreciate their gentle soul.

However, sole-love in the bonded marriage-of-two sense of the word, is a different matter entirely. The purpose of marriage need not enter into such relationships, otherwise we would all be bigamists. Nor should we reservedly confuse the two. The mutual enterprise of marriage so consummated is the higher aspect, born of the consideration of such intimacy, yes, but does not exclude an appreciation of the rest of humanity. For then the two as one, become then introverted and begin to know not the world. This in no respect means to imply the sharing of the marital bed or that which is held to be private and most sacred to that marriage.

But nonetheless we draw distinctions that suggest that in toto the world generally is without intimacy, and hungers for true and honest communications that need not be reserved only inside of a marriage. Indeed, a good solid marriage may impart something of itself to those who do enter into the sphere of its harmonious interactions. There is much to be gleaned from a good example and from those who with caring and social considerations, follow through with relevant and according interest.

Small talk and introspection is so suffered in social relations, not only through the expressions of strings of words which carry on so, but in the very attitude and nature of those imparting those empty shells. They are but false food and as such sustain very little. Small wonder that those who are finally touched by intimate thoughts and subsequent revelations, hold to these moments with tender consideration.

When folk dream of Paradise it is not to the surroundings that they allude to, or to the fruits or climate, or any external notion of that condition. The vision of Paradise is sweetened by the love experienced without and within such condition. Certainly, a paradise which did not accommodate an inner world of delightful responsiveness, an inner soul-communication that breathed throughout every thread of every fiber from plant to being, would surely not be Paradise at all.

If we hearken back to the experiences of our earlier years, with fondest reminiscences invoked it is with recollection for the intimate relations which touched us, spoke to us inwardly. The exterior world lessened thereby in overwhelming significance and the inner realities prevailed where there was inner commune.

There are souls who are so depressed, so dismayed, who truly wish for intimacy, but replace these impulses with exterior intoxications that are self-fulfilling, yet self-depriving in their aspects. It is as if the 'need for communication' is so disappointed with its findings that it no longer strives out from the man, and is answered artificially through means of wine or similar exterial persuaders. Second best: "If I can't have communication or the experience of intimacy, I'll settle for the illusion thereof".

Eventually the man is driven yet deeper into the confines of a secluded and repressed being, for the quality of intimate experience is so deprived by these means. The soul recognizes what is true and what is false, and knows exactly upon what terms and on what levels, an interaction is being conducted. Whether consciously realized or not, it is the soul who seeks its relations and connections with the outer world; amidst the babble and meaningless infrastructure of social niceties.

One may predetermine the outcome of many a circumstance. For those who are disappointed and set their expectations on the lower aspects of human relations, they are easily fulfilled. Sometimes it appears far easier to hold to expectations based on past disappointments and gauge the outcomes so put in place from the onset.

But also, one may have optimism that encourages one to break away from such disappointments and reach out (unconditionally), turning the impersonal into the personal. We spend so much time inhibiting interest and concern, inhibiting conscience, restraining desires and inquiries until at last we become really very good at it. Then through artificial attempts at making the world become friendly to us, we replace the life and vitality of a situation with more life-defying activities - each under his own rock, under the shelter of dishonesties, mutual murmurs and shallow social niceties. Folk can be found hiding behind badges, in bottles, in packs of cards, playing jokers or queens - as a room full of mirrors, with each behind the mirror, only giving back that which they see and taking all men to be as themselves.

Intimacy is experienced firstly when folk give of themselves. When one's attention is called for, it is given for that time completely; not suppressed and not distracted; with not suspicion or compulsion, with no preconceived adulterations: "Yes, here I am, this is me, we shall talk for a while". And then with due response and equal openness soul to soul, there is communication, intimate communication.

What are we saving ourselves for, when we hold back from honesty, when we care little, when we offer one tenth of ourselves to ourselves and then to our brother? Spend and replenish. This is the way. Move from the old unto the new. Renewal - constant activity, constant change and constant renewal. Why hold back, why save ourselves?

It is because there was a time back in memory, when we were rebuked. And because of that, we fear more rebuke. Rebuke is fine if warranted. Sure, we need not go out of our way to upset or make unhappy another, but in regards to intimacy, this is not in question. Any act of imposition is not a measure of intimacy. But in order to make ourselves comfortable in our position in the world, and those who make ourselves comfortable in our position in the world and those who make up our world, it is essential that we do not deny the possibilities of intimate communications and relationships that are held within the moment.

Learn to lengthen the vocabulary and share the meanings of the words. Men may establish catch phrases, and swing in and out of conversations based upon a vocabulary neat to the order of one hundred or five hundred words; and this may be blandly comfortable. In that number, the limits of the conversation which is to be shared will be somewhat determined; and by the limited understanding of those words.

Why do we adhere to that which we are used to? When in good company one may pick up a dictionary and share or discover anew. This is most stimulating. Even if the meanings are not reached, they are attempted. Even if the concepts and their attached definitions are gone a minute later, they have been worked upon. There is much intimacy in mutual study.

So one can see that it is not only the baring of one's inner self that does partake in the experience of mutual communication, of intimate association, but also too in the experiences of the moment that come from this beginning. The quality of such interactions will be the brighter, more colorful and more intensely illuminating, when working from the bare character of a man rather than the exterior semiautomatic personality so motivated.

Summer Springs In Whilst Winter Falls- 8th August 1991

The words 'spring to mind' as a fountain bubbling up; and each and every phrase is snatched and put to type in succession.
Playing pass the parcel with words and concepts.

THERE is nothing of comparison quite alike to the change of seasons on those days when warmth returns to air and scent, and imparts joy to those who bask in the newly sun-filled days. Bemingled, a tingling relaxation, an inner rejoicing of a summery day after a long cold chill. Of course the keenness of such experience, does largely depend on which part of the hemisphere one happens to be in. But to many there are gradients of days and their properties relative to this experience.

When the sun sweeps over the alpine ranges, the crisp sharp air is infilled with an awakening. The frosts sparkle, as the pale golden light turns to a brilliant radiance. All that awaits under the ground responds in orchestrated delight.

These aspects in warmer regions are felt to degrees somewhat higher and heavier in tone and vibrancy. Rather than subtle, the new warmth is sultry, almost sensual and so provocative as the days do lengthen with sophisticated finesse.

It is best on these days where the warmth overrides those dark quiescent periods, to take oneself to those special country places and take in all manner of rejoicing. In woody regions, to seaside, pastures and country gardens are the impulses which draw the birth-pains of expectation forecalling summer days to come.

These days are as an exaggerated sunrise which may be experienced for a spell that encompasses the full day, for over a week or so. The calendar shifts accordingly, but one knows of this beginning, until the days will settle down and eventually tire, becoming thin again, becoming shorter.

When one recalls new love, it is as with those recollections of these periods where the onset of Summer springs around. Sadly there are those who may miss these days of etheric joy, because of confines that permit not the experience of earthly rapture.

One's year is much alike to one single twenty-four hour day. Therefore there are activities most suited to those periods corresponding. There is a time for rest and a time for waking followed by subsequent activity. This may be easily charted, with a viewpoint to conditions which are especial to one's corresponding pursuits.

With this implication, the New Year, quite rightly, would be experienced on many a different day for different regions. Also of course, the ebb and flow of qualities and impulses - midnight and midday - have their corresponding activities relative to the year's progress. Overall, who can say from what point on the Globe it begins and therefore predetermines the rest? But as night follows day, the seasons revolve and the sunrise period of the year is held most fondly in experience. If one were to dissect the hours, they too would hold similar rhythms. Dissect the overtures of centuries and they also have night and day episodic heartbeat cycles.

There are corresponding points on the Globe, which in opposite impart conditions to another - the principle of the active and passive, whereby one draws and deflects from another. Whilst overall, the messenger of the new days to come travels around flitting from one to another in successive bounds.

Globetrotting international travelers are sensitive to the adjustments required in relation to the impulses and rhythms so dramatically altered. The patterns of sleep are not the only rhythms rearranged and interrupted. But who can say what is tonic from the virtues of change with its demands?

There is much that strains the constitution of man today that hitherto was never in question. Locally, the artificial lights and temperatures, which are ever consistent, are as confusing if not more confusing to those who remain, than those who are thus stimulated by overseas travel. One has only to view plants that are climate-controlled to realize that the differences are marked, and extremes cannot be prolonged indefinitely without great loss. Many a rubber plant, in many a shopping mall!

This is not to suggest that we all brave the elements, depriving ourselves of the protection therefrom. However, exposure to those qualities of the day which signal the beneficent impulses is imperative to those changes we command - a certain flexing of strength, and so forth. 

It is interesting to find that the notion as expressed above about the nature of the year being quite similar to the daily conduct is less known intuitively by the control-climate man who is deprived of such experience that works its way through to the consciousness. Although still very much affected by that which presents itself during the course of the year, he is at a loss as to knowing innately, that which prevails at those times.

Rather be sludgeing a little snow or sweating a mite, than not at all. In the very least to be in touch with those elements that swirl and sweep around our small homes; and especially so in the periods of the year that bring sunrise to the year and radiate much longed for new love! For we are comforted internally by this: the returning of warmth.

The Whole Truth & Nothing but the Truth- 6th August 1991

"Daring not to go a step further, the specter with his head in his hands faltered, looking here and there frantically. Dismembered from the neck, mobility did ague, his eyes spanning that direct expanse only which the hands did place the head to see; for he was so frightened as to see more of the same as he."

DISASSOCIATION and divorce from the sympathetique of a situation compels an individual to dismember himself accordingly. When we make judgments which expel decisively that which does not agree with us, we sever those corresponding affinities, abandoning them also. 

There is not one thing, be it virtue or sin, in the outer world, which cannot also be located within our own personal hemisphere of activity. That which is us may be active or reactive in particular ways which dominate, but the worldly affinities which we know and hold so closely to us, are neither singular nor transferable without injury.

One man may know isolation, particularly when amidst a crowd of many men: those faculties and constituents that make up a man, which are at present in semi-isolation. 

Many a conflict and an argument dwells inside a man, aggravating and grazing with internal bruise and wound, for it is difficult for Man to embrace wholeheartedly the entire world. And difficult therefore, for him to embrace that which is himself . . . and his brother. 

This concerns a certain grasping too of realities, deep realities. One may fix their consciousness on half-truths and personal persuasions, without entering into a full comprehension of absolute knowledge and therefore love of a truth: a reality. 

Whilst it is true to say that within the process of living one's life we are impelled to make choices, and confronted so that we must exercise with response (responses of 'sorting', of rejection, expulsion, assimilation), it is also true to say that the model of daily existence is somewhat out of whack, so to speak, with the spiritual realities and responses most conducive to them. This is the origin of conflict. 

If I were to produce a finely woven rug and this rug was most gloriously designed, you might appreciate the work seen in its entirety. If however, you were reduced to the smallness of an ant with ant's perspective, the appreciation would be vastly limited. If you were a beetle and began to gnaw at the thread, you should not understand the implication of this unravelling. So when there becomes an unequal relationship between the perceiver and the percept, one finds that the perceiver will most definitely calculate such perceptions to lesser values based on his viewpoint, rather than on the entire reality.

The said complexities of the spiritual world spring from relationships of unequal proportions. Interestingly enough, we are all much larger than we imagine. As indicated before, our aura is so expanded, whereupon our consciousness does but illuminate a tiny point with a tiny radiance, within an expanse that infills all space. At given times we may swell much larger within that expanse and proportionately view all manner of realities with greater vision and comprehension. During the course of a life however, we tend to shrink and shy away from impending facets of realities that impinge uncomfortably on our limited consciousness. 

In this there comes a system of yet further denial. Many a man becomes very well learned in the habits of consciousness narrowing, ever rejecting rather than assimilating. "I don't want to know, I don't want to know", limiting yet further the understanding and grappling with new encounters. For the pattern is so set.

That which we come to know completely, we come to love. There is certain fascination, and therefore attraction, for that which is embraced through real knowledge. But because there is much effort required before we may come full circle to comprehension, it appears far easier in most instances to expel stimulation, to inhibit queries, to extinguish the flame of interest, to abandon our acquired sympathies and shrink yet further into ourselves, becoming much smaller and lesser in such decisions of soul. For the pattern is so set.

Obviously one may not fling full force towards all challenges and find immediate ability to grasp great knowledge of all that presents itself. Such expending of vitalities which would be required, is indeed certain death. At the point of death one does just that- expands and radiates outwardly so, embracing with leap and leisure, the great tide of incoming influences, expending all vitalities in a single gesture with great impulse of love, realizing with full knowledge the limitless expanses which were before so defined and exacted through the personal limitations of living.

So discernment is ever of importance; discernment in regards to exactly what one may throw their life's vitalities into, fixing concentration to particulars and not conversely, deliberately denying all particulars; being choosy.

However, it is good to realize that all rejection causes pain- pain to that rejected and commensurate pain to those who reject. It is within our inner nature to wish dearly to comprehend. Our soul, whose actual status is so much the greater, knows the attitude of knowledge/love in totality. It has recognised the deeper realities as from the first, for we are truly the offspring of such realities. Our personality is a far removed extension of the soul within, and as such a much smaller representative with perspectives so limited, which grapple to come to that which the soul does already know and experience. Thus life is conflict.

However, it is grand indeed when the soul may teach the individual and be given license to explain that which is essential to the whole truth. Life long, personalities chatter on so; rarely will they be interrupted and give time to much larger considerations. It is the balance that we seek, in order for the two to cohabit in accordance with divine progression.

For we are the fallen Angels, who with angelic tendencies may desire return to an albeit quiet existence, but no longer afforded with the grand plan of destiny that is for Mankind alone. And so the personalities so developed, do not hearken so readily to the movements and callings of the radiant Heavens, but in piece go forth to regenerate much offspring, with character developed from the re-finding of particular knowledges, recreating particular realities.

It is through the development of many a disheartening trial that the will perfects in man, to steer courses which would otherwise be predetermined. But that too the will be in accordance with the Father's. This is the sticky part. 

The laws of magnetism provide that one does follow the course of a greater will, for we are not separate to reality, and life would contend that. So the greater will, that dominates action and reason, should firstly be adopted as that of the Father's, who does circumference and drive all Creation. He for us has complete comprehension. 

We have always pronounced it bizarre, that the world of men so often make judgements by jury, whose only qualification is that of being representative of society. So we firstly realize in all humility, that our restrictions to perception are so limited, that we are not entitled to entangle our personal judgements with negative rebukes. Should we not wish to venture down a certain path, then this is decided harmoniously. Contention and negativity is no longer useful to a development that seeks compatibility with the soul and all souls. If we do sever ourselves from that which we find distasteful, we do sever our understanding in part. We section ourselves into like and dislike, rather than knowing that the world and all of its aspects are very much the fabric of that rug that warms the personality so actively motivated therein.

It is more honest to say "I do not understand my brother", than to condemn a brother for something which brings much distaste. In this one can come to realize that the intricacies of good and bad are deflected much by attitude. 

We may wish for great change and are at peace with that. We do not strike out in anger at that which upsets us so. If we cannot come to understand the whys and wherefores pertaining to a situation, then we acknowledge our limited perceptions and go on from there. We may choose many regions of activity, but in this we also know that they are but a few of many.

We never reward or encourage bad behavior. Often duty calls for explicit intervention whereby one soul must actively discourage or reprimand another for his presumption of license which oversteps another's freedom. But inwardly we should not give over to responses of complete rejection to situations or to people, and by so doing commit them with abusive judgement. For no one is fixed in their current predicament, and no thing is completely perceived in its entirety.

Our judgements, our discernments, are but personal and relate accordingly to our own inner attributes and deficiencies. We must not cast them out, but inwardly reflect. If we abandon the world, we abandon that part which is indeed within us. The circumstances of life are a great reminder. Our attention is forever demanded and thus worked upon. 

The headless horseman who flinches for fear of seeing yet another alike unto himself, has divorced himself from himself - he is incomplete in such attitude of separateness.