The Holy Man's Trials 26

25

26. The presence of that which bears historical record of ourselves from a time of identity from which we have since departed.

There becomes an internal struggle/tension with the discrepancies as they are portrayed in comparison with who we are today. This may refer to the akashic, the talismanic or merely the representational as in a photograph or another's memory recollection. 

A sensitive man may also have difficulties with his own memories as they do not 'match up' with the person he has grown to be or become to prefer. There is a painfulness in perceiving ourselves to be 'less than', or alternatively there is the simple problem of the 'ill-fitting' as described above. 

Since the consciousness may only be in the one place at the one time, it is easily confused when presented (even to self and even in the carrying of self) with multifarious images of what once were. It has little difficulties with 'could-bes' however. For although the 'could-be' excites the imagination, it needs to have a foothold in reality before being taken seriously. If the 'could-be' is a spiritually foreseeable reality then it is perceived as the epitome of 'fitting' - not being merely desirable, but the actual reality upon which all else is measured (from which we are largely disheartened by). 

When we glimpse our true spiritual natures and futures they are known to have been something in place, given out a very long time ago. The difficulties we have with our own memories or those of others of ourselves, lies in the seeming incoherence and unrelatedness of both our modern-day selves and our spiritual natures as well.

27

The Holy Man's Trials 25

24

25. The presence of astral poisons largely contributed by the thought forms as given out, or general atmosphere as contaminated by individuals who we share proximity with, which are ill-tempered, emanating more of the same.

Similar to the protest and affright which is experienced by our physical constitution when it is exposed to poison, so too our astral bodies are sensitive to the magnetic discrepancies between peaceable natured individuals and disruptive ones. Astral toxicity is something we often equate with specters after death, and yet the voracity, the nature, the force, the toxicity, the activity of a specter begins with a live person and just continues on after death. The live person is far more difficult to cope with than the disempowered disinspirited ghoul! 

26

The Holy Man's Trials 24

23

24. The presence of physical poisons carried within the body - taken into, or unable to be released.

There is a sense of danger we live with when certain toxins are remained within our bodies, or even our bodies are exposed to them (even cigarette smoke for example). It is natural for our bodies to feel alarmed at any threat and although it happens unconsciously for the most part, we do 'sense' that alarm as it is experienced.

25

The Holy Man's Trials 23

22

 23. Those aspects within the spiritual nature which confer or coincide with the unredeemed condition of Lucifer as is. 

This burdens a man to endure. Whilst the entire cosmos is reflected within our beings in part, there are realities which are independent of our time or our perception of our time, which we indefinitely carry as well. And so, distinct from those things which are needed in Man, of Christ and of our own selves etc., distinct from the pleadings and needings of others, of lower kingdoms, of neighboring realms, there is also that part of us which knows and responds to Lucifer - else we would not have any relationship with him at all. (And yes, there is also the Lucifer [redeemed] which is now named differently.) 

This in part becomes a sad and sorry story, speaking of the first sadness in the world incorporated in Man. It is not healthy to meditate upon such matters, but to know simply that we carry many varieties of burden upon us and this is certainly one of them.

24