MARILYN MONROE despised herself- particularly because of the contradictions which were ever made apparent by those attributes which she herself could not make connection with. Most of us carry on through life feeling misunderstood, and whether or not it offends us, to some it may be indicative of self/soul values which are similarly misunderstood.
"Do you love me for myself or for my racehorse?", comes the question. Although we may feel plain or beget an appearance which we think is a mix between frazzle and frump, it is small comfort to be considered with envy of characteristics which appear to oneself nothing extraordinary or exceptional. No amount of reassurance will assist one to reckon with one's physical design. The more one is physically 'beautiful' the more one is uncomfortable, self-conscious and critical, of those said 'looks' - even if those were cast in wax and finely chiselled, there would still be objection and denial.
Marilyn was not a stupid or senseless individual. In point of fact she was quick off the mark, as far as it goes. She would be second-guessing continually. Most of the company she spent her life with had no notion of her thinking and were basically disinterested anyway.
She had fed the beast, and the beast became demanding and awesome. She could never understand what the commotion surrounding her entailed. She knew that it worked for her in a limited way, but she could not understand the psyche of her adoring public; and this caused great distress in her personal life.
Did she suicide? Did she take revenge upon the beast, which had robbed her from the very desire she had held lifelong: that of being truly loved, and experiencing this love?
She was ill. She was defeated. She could no longer manage being slave to others' expectations. She was informed of many infidelities whereupon she had cause to question, each and every relationship, and the worth, and the reality, and the senselessness. She could no longer stand rejection.
Yes, she took her life with her own hand, by her own decision.