The Holy Man's Trials 20

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20. The weight of one's own personal karma as known (generally unconsciously experienced until active) and the sadness at incurring the more difficult aspects so borne.

This has a very large reality to it, for heaviness is experienced whilst also integrity as well. Every piece of our karmic responsibility travels with us and is ever present before our soul's eye. Our days are blended by such events, brought and wrought by such a karmic response to our previous callings. 

So this is how we function, but not without a measure of apprehension into the bargain.

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The Holy Man's Trials 19

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19. Constant disappointment as a general condition firstly (then highlighted later by conscious discernments which are generally predictable).

There are a few phases to be noted about this disappointment. Firstly, disappointment can live with us just as generally without specificity, as Certainty does. It just is. Repeated disappointments confirm the bank, and then follows the larger disappointment that we were disappointed at all. 

The word 'disappointment' however, implies some element of surprise, and yet most of our disappointments are in fact very predictable to us. So the largest disappointment comes of our falling into such a pattern of a depressed disappointment, and by being sadly surprised by something which was not really surprising and not much of a let down far from a place than we were at already!

The onset of disappointment degenerates further acts and hopes, fulfilling its predictability given at the outset. It is good therefore to be aware of it and to dismiss it once committed to the ideal. At the very least we will be surprised the next time, if it happens upon us again. Let's be truly disappointed!!! and not give way to the mundane affliction of just the partial disposition!

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The Holy Man's Trials 18

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18. The need for a greater physical experience (to contrast the mundane) as perceived by the spiritual yearnings which require more understanding of the physical processes they permeate.

There is a further discrepancy the consciousness recognizes between how fully we do incarnate within our physical and astral complines, and to what is or may be possible in this regard. 

It is natural to seek out a greater physical experience and there are many ways we see this manifest in ordinary human behavior; although largely the means are unsatisfactory in themselves. The mystery of it seems to be that there is a natural joy which comes from overworking the physicality with a variety of ethers.

The higher etheric vitalities are present when called into the physicality, and this occurs through a higher means than merely what is naturally present in the material substance as is. In other words, significance becomes the key which raises the material out from its simple flavor, act or experience we may try. Any discontent comes from knowing of this possibility yet being immature in regard to finding what this may mean right now to the future of Mankind and his astral 'fit' into a tenuous body.

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The Holy Man's Trials 17

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17. The need for a greater experience of one's spirituality (perceived to be combating the material existence to date).

For the aspiring individual there is an underlying need to be fulfilled by some qualifying spiritual experience, and it can be said that as the world is at present, it is almost impossible to satisfy the ego in this regard. It is a sadness known to modern man. Even the Masters have to look outside of the physical realm to find enough spiritual experience at this period. It simply cannot be maintained here in a way which is concretely apparent.

At best things may appear substantially spiritual, however until the realms have combined fully through transubstantiation it is not negotiable. Insights do make up for this to some extent though. It is interesting because for every insight a man tenuously 'feels' as a matter of inspiration or correctness in his spiritual striving worked for, he will actually have the commensurate experience in full 'technicolor' after death. This is a most marvelous happening to watch, let alone be the creator of the doors to! So for this part during our life, we accept to be discontent, knowing of the future revelations to come, when it is possible.

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