IN the quiet recess of a blackened dwelling with seemingly naught to salvage ... there amongst the debris rests a rainbow colored Angel, who with a patience most gentle, sweet and forbearing, awaits for the owner to return.
She had fled when the flames, hot passioned, had licked the doorways and smote the frames, when her very home had shuddered and groaned with the strength of the fire moving fast within its halls and spaces. Lost, devastated and with a treacherous feeling of helplessness, she had gone as far as she could get from this place.
Now she aches with a coldness, a pain that comes from that after-the-fire chilliness. Even in sunshine and warmth, it is as if her body remembers that ferocity which had swept over her life taking everything which she had held dear. And her body trembles with what is left. There is pain. There is shock. There are ashes where once there was life.
Each and every house she sees now inspires a sadness in recollecting that of her own. There is pain and there is shock.
Each and every recollection that she has, inspires a sadness also in remembering that time in which she did not have pain or shock, or lifelessness.
The Angel has been waiting, full knowing that she will return. What happens out here in this place which was once so special? What will come of it all, now it's gone?
There is a name for this: it is 'first night' - a condition in which the individual concerned, has come to something which may not occur for many, many lifetimes, but when it does befall it is one of those markings on the eternity-timeline which marks the soul accordingly. It is a condition in which everything appears stripped and taken back to but a naked vulnerability - comfortless, barren, and quite forlorn.
It is true to say that both our souls and our egos crave certain experience. In this there are many predictable situations which can and so eventuate amongst the creativity afforded each and every man (and woman, of course, dear soul).
One such 'predictability' arises when the 'enspirited' individual has fulfilled much of her own inner development (remarkably) yet not resolved this inner knowing to the comparisons found without her in the world. Maturity over lifetimes can and does bring everyone to this point. It is not to say that it becomes in problematic or troubled natures, but rather that knowledge itself can overfill to the point of creating such a vacuum that commands yet more space within the ego to incorporate the equivalents it has drawn.
All pupils on the path will experience this 'first night', and there is no other way than by devastation and 'wipe out' that can effectively transmute that individual to yet a higher predisposition.
Although we honor this world before all other spheres with a personal affection and investment way beyond all the glamour of the more attractive realms, we also know the limitations and great conflicts which daily belittle the nobility of Man at this time at hand. Death is unacceptable to us in any form and does not go well alongside the courageous efforts of the afflicted student. There can be no reconciliation with death, or comfort in its action. That which contradicts Life, opposes the Holy Spirit from which it is inspired. The corruption and inflexibility of the current substance which embodies the spirit within, is but a constant aggravation and disappointment - needless to say, we are, and it is as yet, imperfect.
After repeated efforts of incarnating, the soul itself can become discouraged in some aspects from which it was struck. For our spiritual natures are most free, healthy and complete - sore swollen to the compromising which 'life' within the physical can by consequence present. Ironically however, a death by suicide does not ever answer this (though in this present devastation one may already feel quite 'dead' to it all and desolate within) ... for it turns back upon itself in that after a suicide we actually take the very conditions with us which we sought to avoid, and the comforts and the pleasures which would have naturally taken place in the hereafter are rendered inaccessible. The impasse being, that time itself was not given time to complete itself and so remains attached in its worldliness to the individual who is burdened to still experience it (and its characteristics), even though it is carried on past where it was once useful in the physical existence.
After the experience of 'the fire', the individual now, at the core within, can sense that which is truly themselves. Never before has this been made so plain and so real, that amongst the hollowed out spaces there is still remaining that which is, which is. In defiance to the meager, the mighty resumes its bearings once again. The contest between the forces of desire and the greater forces of yet greater desire entitle the combatant to their privileges. And still, the Angel awaits....
This 'emptying out', this burning back and extreme sufferance within, does bring its compensatory joys and refreshed strengths! Firstly you have been inducted into a very large community of sympathizing applicants who understand and do not forget just what this experience has taught them! (Their presence still withstanding.)
Secondly, you have just past the first post of infantus-corbiculum! (Little bee with club foot - heavy put with flower dust!)
Now there becomes a consciousness about the soul that never has been as distinctly before. Infused with the ego, the experience has wakefully determined many possibilities that were previously not caused within the makeover. This new consciousness resulting, means that the interpretations of the ego can be done with more of a soulic consultation - that the devastation has 'spiritualized' the egoic incorporation, now becoming a pivotal advancement in the entire understanding thereafter. Because of this incorporated soulic perspective there is a working comprehension of timelessness, empathetic sensitivities, higher and imaginative impressionings, intuitive learnings and so forth (both here and for the Heavens later as well) which are most natural to the soul.
It is perhaps explained as something of a merger between what was formerly two operatives which had conducted themselves almost independently before. The soul and the ego are now cooperative. They are magnificent! Each imbued with the other, they have merged.
There is nothing wrong with being considerate of oneself. Transformative phases are by nature confusing and difficult, but do pass into certainty offering periods of stability to follow. Charity needs be equally afforded to yourself in that which you need, even that which you most heart-wish desire. Respect it well, and do not dismiss your self or your longings.
Sometimes, as it is said, with storms may come unchartered courses, and maybe the only safe passage is the one we have not yet prepared for or mapped out. Although raw and quite sensitively naked to the influences and bearings of the world, it can also be a time of new childlike discovery. The period of self derision and self battering is really over. Just as nothing would have averted this bleak episode, nothing also can put a halt to the joys and happinesses which are not far to be found. In this you may begin to really search (in honesty) for just what it is that profoundly reconnects you once more to that which you love, for this time, in the here and the now - moving on from 'first night' into the awaiting 'first morning' - experienced within the nubility of the soul and its light of the awakening ego-self at dawn.
God Bless you Dear,