"You have never complained before about it."
"No, I know that… it's just that I don't want to continue on.”
"But I need you, we need you - everything depends on you" he sighed.
This passage alone incites a heaviness of heart we have all encountered, a reticence, a crossroad when our own wishes are specifically put aside in preference for another.
The Arterial Self can decide upon a sufferance and joyfully reinterpret the meanings of its own importance to projects and people. However if a man denies his true inclinations of heart, and of the choosing of the man within constantly, he will be brought back to the same experience repeatedly until he heeds his own soul requirements. In other words he will be called upon time and time again to forfeit himself in same or similar manner, until he recognizes that this is not to be so.
Men repeatedly sacrifice themselves to a substance or a god of that substance, to an elemental which has further license over the usefulness of their habitual behavior than they have. They lend themselves to material and worldly desires; so ambitious that their spirituality is wrung out in the clamor to gather. They spend themselves with much 'wrong change', as in the example of the shop assistant where he (the Arterial Self) stands in judgment amongst the woman (his soul); the righteous man (his 'Higher Self' determining); the thief (the elemental nature which accompanies him); and the manager (his Higher Ego/self-reflection).
So if he continues on denying his Arterial Self's choosing, there shall come the time when what is asked of him becomes disproportionately horrific to his mind and fills him with a trepidation; and it can be, quite sadly, that breakdowns occur in consequence during the simplest of tasks which were proceeding with those requirements which he reluctantly fulfilled.
This resistance set about within his Arterial Self will manifest through illness or anxiety eventually; and simply put, with either death or gibberish, he shall make his final escape away.
We can appreciate demands in the context that most men inherently desire to serve and fulfill a service. It is natural for Man to wish to please those about him, and instinctual for him to be protective, endearing and beneficent. This does not, on the other hand, mean to say that he be required to be any one of these things by another - unless it be a child that does ask this regarding an immediate need.
Our artery to God affords us any noble enterprise as a natural desire, and when it comes to pass that the man, through necessity, needs to decide also to care for himself, this too is most realistic and necessary. If he does not know the virtue of serving his true self and being obedient to his needs as well as those of others, then he shall not have the composite to understand. If we ask a man to comply with something which runs contrary to his inner deciding, then we are corrupting him for future usefulness in this particular way.
In other words if he goes against his self to live as yet another one would, he will nonetheless go against them also eventually, as this is the 'skill' he has adapted in the sin against himself. If he learns to ignore his inner callings he learns also to ignore the calls of others; and so it is beyond reason that we should believe this form of sacrifice to have a healthy outcome. Often it is also, that the man who cares not for the world comes to expect as a consequence, the same veneerial [as in 'veneer'] lifestyle from others. Unless we acknowledge that there are decisions to be worked upon from time to time, our wills will become flaccid and anemic in their action.
The wills of men are as essential to the Holy Spirit as it is to they. It requires a great confidence of self and in self, in order that we may execute our wills rejoicingly. There is a distinction to be made within the Arterial Self as to the difference between vain and empty indulgences as opposed to the higher action of will committing with perfect action.
We have regularly maintained that there are always the two basic choices to go by: that which is of life and that which is of death. All decisions and subsequent motivations may be simply weighed in these terms - choosing behalf of life (within me or without me), or whether or not it leads to death.
Some activities are worse than fruitless and a hindrance to the man who might spend a lifetime endorsing them. If he has engaged in subjecting his consciousness to a death (intoxication); if he has learnt to 'waste' time for the very purpose of it; if he has deliberately derided another and worked for their downfall; if he has given himself to gambling and the subsequent recklessness it requires; if he 'martyrs' himself to a cause that he does not believe in for a secondary concern (monetary gain for example), then these and the many other concessions, will cost him his overall enthusiasm to life; for death soon dissolves our great enthusiasm.
Having said that there is also a measure of consternation experienced by those who proceed to do what they have weighed within themselves to be right to execute. For some there is a self-doubt or a guilt which may carry over, spilling into even the happiest or pronounced of decisions.
If the self-doubt provides no good purpose after the arterial deciding has been done, what then, we may ask, is the reason and the remedy for it?